What follows is something I’ve wanted to say aloud for a while, and also a shameless promotion for Queerly Beloved.

I don’t do a lot of long-form stuff; most of you probably hear from me in 140 characters or less. Today, however, I’d like to say a little something, because I’m one of the lucky queers who are located in the beautiful bubble that is the San Francisco Bay Area, right at the cusp of Pride weekend.

For most of my adult life, Pride has been an event for me to stand next to a parade, wave and cheer, and possibly have some drinks. It was not unlike Mardi Gras or St. Patrick’s Day when I was in New Orleans. Just with a different crowd. Of course, most of my adult life was spent in areas where the predominant LGBT(etc.) community was actually just GL. I never really had a community of my own. The LGBT community served as a massive umbrella I could exist under, with some shared history, but I didn’t belong to any close-knit community with a shared narrative. I never identified as gay, and for many years identified as bisexual. If you are a bisexual person who has found a bisexual community, I envy you. They are few and far between.

I do not mean to disparage any given community (this is Pride, after all!), only to state that I had a lot of trouble finding the right one for me, where my sexual orientation and identity would fit nicely, and without hesitation. I felt welcome at Pride, but I didn’t feel like I was celebrating anything about myself.

Now to a more cheerful statement: In coming to San Francisco, I discovered a community that I immediately fit right into. Queer porn is a group of supportive, fun people who share much of my own narrative. It’s where I became comfortable in my identity as genderqueer. Where I can be an outspoken, sex-positive, and male-sexed individual who does whatever feels right, and it’s just Queer. Whereas in the past, I’ve cheered from the sidelines and watched other people celebrate their own pride, this weekend, I’m going to El Rio and I’m going to be a part of the celebration.